This is a post where I tell you why it's not my fault and the issue is more complex than is being presented. But, really.
More and more, people are speaking up in defense of families. Not in the traditional vs. equality way, but in the "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby" kind of way. Delayed adolescence and dropping birth rates are becoming things to be feared, apparently. (How are fewer pregnancies something to be feared in our overpopulated world?)
Everyone wants to discuss why young professionals are hooking up and partying into their thirties rather than settling down like their parents did.
Except.
Except people still generally get married around the same age their parents did (although, nowadays those marriages have a higher fail rate).
Except my generation didn't invent the hook up culture. I invite you to remember the sixties, since you were there and I wasn't.
Except college graduates with overwhelming student loans and rent to pay aren't partying as much as you think they are, because they can't afford it. Also, the older they get, the less their bodies can tolerate the excesses of their college days.
But that's not what really bothers me about the crusade for me to find a mate before I turn thirty. What really bothers me is how implicitly and, often, explicitly sexist it is. Because it seems that the real complaint is that women want to work rather than have a husband and kids.
ARE YOU INSANE? No one WANTS to work, that's why it's called WORK. Women enjoy the freedom to make their own choices. One popular choice is to wait for the whole family thing until you have a mate you can love and trust. No one talks about the qualities of mates when bemoaning the state of marriage. By following the apparent advice of those worried about my singleness, I would have been married several times over, because it's just the marriage that matters, not the person you're married to, right?
But the online dating scene tells a different story. Yes, there are a lot of people hooking up. Newsflash, premarital sex has been around as long as marriage, for good or ill. But there are a lot of people online trying to find a mate. What makes it hard is this culture we live in. This culture we inherited. Our values are the ones we were raised to have, either by our parents or by our society in general. So, feel free to accept your share of the blame.
It's not like I don't want to get married. I grew up watching Disney, I'm fairly indoctrinated in the happily-ever-after tradition. I'd have been cool with begin married by now. But I've always been missing one thing: a groom. Is it because women are seen as more family oriented and men as more career oriented that we don't see more articles about single men settling down? I guess it's up to the women to tame the men and lead them to the altar. Except marrying someone who doesn't really want to get married is a TERRIBLE idea.
Another thing that kills me is the FACT that being negative towards singleness is both generally and specifically unchristian. Obviously, it's just not nice. And plenty of Bible character were single. But both Jesus and Paul explicitly say that staying single, while tough, is not only a valid choice, but a good and holy one. So who are you exactly to find fault with my marital status?
Should we promote healthy relationships, the dangers of excess, financial management, and all the other things we associate with stable married life and not with the partying lifestyle? Sure. Absolutely. I am for those things. I also think promoting positive values will bring about more change than telling me to get married.
When am I going to get married? When somebody asks me and I decide to say yes. Until then, I am going to work to eat. Probably after the fact, too. Let's get real.
More and more, people are speaking up in defense of families. Not in the traditional vs. equality way, but in the "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby" kind of way. Delayed adolescence and dropping birth rates are becoming things to be feared, apparently. (How are fewer pregnancies something to be feared in our overpopulated world?)
Everyone wants to discuss why young professionals are hooking up and partying into their thirties rather than settling down like their parents did.
Except.
Except people still generally get married around the same age their parents did (although, nowadays those marriages have a higher fail rate).
Except my generation didn't invent the hook up culture. I invite you to remember the sixties, since you were there and I wasn't.
Except college graduates with overwhelming student loans and rent to pay aren't partying as much as you think they are, because they can't afford it. Also, the older they get, the less their bodies can tolerate the excesses of their college days.
But that's not what really bothers me about the crusade for me to find a mate before I turn thirty. What really bothers me is how implicitly and, often, explicitly sexist it is. Because it seems that the real complaint is that women want to work rather than have a husband and kids.
ARE YOU INSANE? No one WANTS to work, that's why it's called WORK. Women enjoy the freedom to make their own choices. One popular choice is to wait for the whole family thing until you have a mate you can love and trust. No one talks about the qualities of mates when bemoaning the state of marriage. By following the apparent advice of those worried about my singleness, I would have been married several times over, because it's just the marriage that matters, not the person you're married to, right?
But the online dating scene tells a different story. Yes, there are a lot of people hooking up. Newsflash, premarital sex has been around as long as marriage, for good or ill. But there are a lot of people online trying to find a mate. What makes it hard is this culture we live in. This culture we inherited. Our values are the ones we were raised to have, either by our parents or by our society in general. So, feel free to accept your share of the blame.
It's not like I don't want to get married. I grew up watching Disney, I'm fairly indoctrinated in the happily-ever-after tradition. I'd have been cool with begin married by now. But I've always been missing one thing: a groom. Is it because women are seen as more family oriented and men as more career oriented that we don't see more articles about single men settling down? I guess it's up to the women to tame the men and lead them to the altar. Except marrying someone who doesn't really want to get married is a TERRIBLE idea.
Another thing that kills me is the FACT that being negative towards singleness is both generally and specifically unchristian. Obviously, it's just not nice. And plenty of Bible character were single. But both Jesus and Paul explicitly say that staying single, while tough, is not only a valid choice, but a good and holy one. So who are you exactly to find fault with my marital status?
Should we promote healthy relationships, the dangers of excess, financial management, and all the other things we associate with stable married life and not with the partying lifestyle? Sure. Absolutely. I am for those things. I also think promoting positive values will bring about more change than telling me to get married.
When am I going to get married? When somebody asks me and I decide to say yes. Until then, I am going to work to eat. Probably after the fact, too. Let's get real.
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