Scene: A comic book shop. Enter Sheldon, Leonard, Penny, Raj, and Howard. Penny says she's uncomfortable. One of the guys responds, "You're the only woman here." Penny looks around at the other patrons of the shop skeptically. Howard (usually), "Well, the only real woman."
Sometimes, it's the only "doable" woman. In this context they mean the same thing. The above is a paraphrase of the several scenes that bother in The Big Bang Theory. The heroes may be nerds, but they're better than the other weirdos, who in turn are better than the female extras who aren't women anyway.
A lot of people have written about the problem with the unattainable female being the one to shoot for but here is a concise-ish look at it. If tl;dr, basically the idea is "You're so beautiful, why won't you have sex with me?"
In my previous post, I talked about the conversation about women happening right now. The bulk of that online conversation revolves around how men are not entitled to women's bodies. And if you read the hashtag #YesAllWomen you see a large sample of stories of everyday (or casual) sexism. But, in the few hours I devoted to reading the feed when it was peaking, I felt there was still more that wasn't being said.
As should be obvious from the above example, there's a split in how these men (#NotAllMen—beat you too it) see women. There are women who are relentlessly pursued for relationships, regardless of their desires and needs and there are these other creatures who take up space. They are the "fat" friend, the "butter face," the "fugly," and honestly I'm running out of derogatives because who even says stuff like that? I knew a guy who referred to a woman as a "swamp donkey" but slept with her anyway. One thing these malformed creatures are not is "women."
Obviously, we are doing a terrible job at fostering healthy relationships in thissociety culture country world. But it doesn't help that every Ugly Duckling in the movies becomes a beautiful swan BEFORE she is date-able. Not only is ugly not-hot girl not a viable girlfriend, but since that's all women are good for, she is worthless. Being worthless, however, does not preclude her from sexual harassment. You see, since she is worthless, she should be that much more grateful for the male attention and that much more willing to receive it.
Let me let you in on a secret. 99% of humans (approximately) are what you would call normal-looking. Not drop dead gorgeous, not hideously malformed. 100% of humans (more or less) want to have relationship bonds with other humans.
Clearly, unrealistic beauty standards are an issue, as is respect for women, all of them. And women need realistic role models in media. And media also gets "normal" guys wrong.
But a guy went on a killing spree, targeting a sorority, because he'd never had sex. And I can't help but think of all the girls who would have given him a chance, if he'd tried. Who have also never been in a relationship. Who are made to feel worthless. Who are actually normal. Who are just as awkward when it comes to relationships as any guy can be. The introverts. The modest dressers. The makeup free. Who are every bit as unhappy as the lonely guys.
I feel I can speak with authority on this because I was 25 before my first kiss. I've never dated much. I only put effort into my appearance when the situation requires it. One of the reasons I stopped acting is that I would never be able to go into an audition and not feel deceptive for wearing pants (which hide my scars from 2nd and 3rd degree burns received when I was five). No matter how faded, my identity includes my scars, and actors are judged on their appearance. (I also really hate auditioning, and am much better suited to backstage work; no bitterness there.) So I can't buy into the nonsense that my self-worth should be wrapped up in romantic attachment, because if I did, I'd be in a very dark place. Here's another post where I go into detail about geek-guys and -girls coming from the same place, emotionally. The difference here is that lonely, geeky guys get syndicated TV shows, and geeky, non-glamourous girls get Mayim Bialik (who is wonderful and intelligent, but one of a kind on TV).
Yes, The Big Bang Theory added Mayim, but the single best thing they did to retain my viewership was the episode where Howard has to decide to commit to a relationship with Bernadette. He imagines Katee Sackhoff, Starbuck from BSG, as his perfect, fantasy woman. Ultimately, he has to accept that his fantasy is standing in the way of him having a real relationship. That's an important message.
Sometimes, it's the only "doable" woman. In this context they mean the same thing. The above is a paraphrase of the several scenes that bother in The Big Bang Theory. The heroes may be nerds, but they're better than the other weirdos, who in turn are better than the female extras who aren't women anyway.
A lot of people have written about the problem with the unattainable female being the one to shoot for but here is a concise-ish look at it. If tl;dr, basically the idea is "You're so beautiful, why won't you have sex with me?"
In my previous post, I talked about the conversation about women happening right now. The bulk of that online conversation revolves around how men are not entitled to women's bodies. And if you read the hashtag #YesAllWomen you see a large sample of stories of everyday (or casual) sexism. But, in the few hours I devoted to reading the feed when it was peaking, I felt there was still more that wasn't being said.
As should be obvious from the above example, there's a split in how these men (#NotAllMen—beat you too it) see women. There are women who are relentlessly pursued for relationships, regardless of their desires and needs and there are these other creatures who take up space. They are the "fat" friend, the "butter face," the "fugly," and honestly I'm running out of derogatives because who even says stuff like that? I knew a guy who referred to a woman as a "swamp donkey" but slept with her anyway. One thing these malformed creatures are not is "women."
Obviously, we are doing a terrible job at fostering healthy relationships in this
Let me let you in on a secret. 99% of humans (approximately) are what you would call normal-looking. Not drop dead gorgeous, not hideously malformed. 100% of humans (more or less) want to have relationship bonds with other humans.
Clearly, unrealistic beauty standards are an issue, as is respect for women, all of them. And women need realistic role models in media. And media also gets "normal" guys wrong.
But a guy went on a killing spree, targeting a sorority, because he'd never had sex. And I can't help but think of all the girls who would have given him a chance, if he'd tried. Who have also never been in a relationship. Who are made to feel worthless. Who are actually normal. Who are just as awkward when it comes to relationships as any guy can be. The introverts. The modest dressers. The makeup free. Who are every bit as unhappy as the lonely guys.
I feel I can speak with authority on this because I was 25 before my first kiss. I've never dated much. I only put effort into my appearance when the situation requires it. One of the reasons I stopped acting is that I would never be able to go into an audition and not feel deceptive for wearing pants (which hide my scars from 2nd and 3rd degree burns received when I was five). No matter how faded, my identity includes my scars, and actors are judged on their appearance. (I also really hate auditioning, and am much better suited to backstage work; no bitterness there.) So I can't buy into the nonsense that my self-worth should be wrapped up in romantic attachment, because if I did, I'd be in a very dark place. Here's another post where I go into detail about geek-guys and -girls coming from the same place, emotionally. The difference here is that lonely, geeky guys get syndicated TV shows, and geeky, non-glamourous girls get Mayim Bialik (who is wonderful and intelligent, but one of a kind on TV).
Yes, The Big Bang Theory added Mayim, but the single best thing they did to retain my viewership was the episode where Howard has to decide to commit to a relationship with Bernadette. He imagines Katee Sackhoff, Starbuck from BSG, as his perfect, fantasy woman. Ultimately, he has to accept that his fantasy is standing in the way of him having a real relationship. That's an important message.
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